You know when you are just trying to day drink, and then an older couple comes out of nowhere and tries to initiate a conversation about everything they hate about millenials? Does that not happen often, or is it just something that happens to me? Given that I’ve relayed this story to a few people and have yet to be met with the response “OMG SAME!” I’m going to assume this is just another Of Course This Would Happen to Mallory kind of tale. Let me explain.
Jake and I are at Grapefest this past Saturday, which is my town’s big wine tasting and carnival event that is held every September. Since Texas thinks Fall is more of a “Oh, that must be nice” idea rather than an actuality, it was still a sweltering near 100 degrees during the afternoon when Jake and I headed into the festival. It was either we go during the day and sweat like we were running a marathon in a Bikram yoga classroom, or go at night when all of the high school kids show up for the carnival. I think we can all agree that dehydration > youths. As Jake and I perused the booths and vendors selling everything from artisan dog collars to horseshoe art (#lucrative), we quickly sweat through our clothes were desperately seeking shade. Once we neared the end of Main Street, we finally made our way into the wine tasting venue, which offered the two things we were there for: Booze, and a way to be out of direct sunlight.
We picked up our commemorative wine glasses, tasted a few California based wines, and then scored an empty bench underneath some shade. As I pulled out my phone so I take a photo of our wine glasses, a husband and wife came and sat in the bench across of us and immediately acknowledged Jake’s Baylor t-shirt (this football season I am quick to point out that I have nothing to do with that school other than Jake btw) and struck up a conversation. Now, being that I aggressively avoid interaction with anyone I don’t know (or do know sometimes. I really just belong in a cave, you guys) I wasn’t entirely thrilled about joining in small talk about each other’s careers, but I’m also not a total dirtbag (well, mostly) so I was polite and engaged in conversation given that they seemed friendly. However things quickly turned when the woman became an amateur paparazzo and began demanding what Jake and I’s relationship was to each other. She first assumed I was his wife, which I’m not offended by, but he and I both laughed a little, and then was quickly asked, “Girlfriend?? SISTER???” to which I only laughed harder at, but Jake politely corrected her that we were boyfriend and girlfriend. After having to establish to complete strangers that we are dating, the wife then asked where I went to school. After I replied with “UNT” she confirmed that she too went there, and then asked if I had pledged to a sorority like she had. I said that I had not, and in an experience I have not had since I was in college, was immediately dismissed out of the conversation because I wasn’t a part of Greek life (I do love oversized t-shirts though!). She then went from 100 to 0 real fast after she replied with a sad, “Oh…” and then her and her husband quickly turned their attention to Jake and steamrolled him with questions about his career, which took an uncomfortable turn when he said worked for an ad agency and was then asked a series of questions if his job was anything like Mad Men. It’s not if anyone was wondering. Partly because this isn’t the early 60’s, and Jake doesn’t have a secret family (that I know of!). However, the wife claimed that like Don Draper, she too drinks scotch everyday, but after a short pause proclaimed that she was just kidding. Girl, we are all drinking in the middle of the afternoon right now. I don’t think anyone is judging you.
For reasons unknown, after Jake was grilled on his career, I guess the husband and wife realized I had my phone in my hand (I wasn’t on my phone, it was just still in my hand as I had taken our picture, and then they immediately sat down and began speaking to us), and then tone of our exchange got sour. The wife launched into a tirade regarding today’s young adult culture and how we all obsessively be on our phones, logged into social media, and taking photos. Keep in mind I was simply just holding phone, and I think the screen was even face down. Literally nothing was going on to prompt this moment. She probably mentioned close to five times how no one during her day had to take photos of everything, to which I wanted to respond, “Then explain polaroids” but decided to just stay silent. They incessantly bounced back and forth in agreement over how inane it was that millenials had to document their entire lives, and that every moment had to be shared. It was mentioned that her son played college baseball and that he can’t be caught in a photo of himself partying, and then I kid you not, that statement somehow parlayed into “We’re probably old enough to be your parents! We’re 53. We could actually be your grandparents!” Now, I’m not the best at math, but to be my grandparent, they would have had to have a child at 28, then that child, before they turned 1 years old, would have had to have given birth to me. So in other words, totally possible. What I love most about this, as did my Dad after I told him this story, but my parents are in their mid to late 60’s (nothing to be ashamed of, but my sister and I do like to joke that my dad is “like 100 years old”), and my Grandma is 86. I’ve always enjoyed having older parents. I’d like to think they’re the reason I was 45 years old by the time I was 8; casually watching Frasier, taking calcium chews, and always complaining that the neighborhood kids were too loud.
Thankfully another couple appeared and they quickly turned their attention to them, so Jake and I were able to sneak away and recap what the hell had just happened. Honestly, maybe I am 100% in the wrong for finding that whole conversation strange and am just used to my family not being wildly concerned with their age, or talking to complete strangers about it for that matter, but the whole thing was just so bizarre. Jake and I each probably said a total of 15 words together, and these two just did a War & Peace length exchange that could just be TL;DR’d as “You guys are young and stupid, let me tell you why even though you didn’t ask!” If had wanted to listen to someone tell me a bunch of nonsense for absolutely no reason, I’d go watch a Tomi Lahren video, but it’s not worth the migraine.
Have any of you had an experience like this? Please say yes and tell me your horror story in the comments!